5 Reasons People Have Adventures: Did I Deserve To Be Cheated On?
Why do people have adventures?
You may not have been perfect, but you don’t think you deserved to be fooled. There were times in the marriage that you also wanted to give up. Marriage is not always a bed of roses and it certainly looks nothing like the movies after the first few years. So naturally, you wonder.
Why did my spouse cheat on me? I deserved it?
This is complicated. Personally, I believe that no one cheats for a single reason, but generally speaking there seems to be a basis of reasoning by which a wayward spouse decides to walk away from his or her husband or wife, rationale for cheating, if they so choose.
I also believe that most spouses never intend to hurt their spouse, even when things go wrong in the relationship. Not many plan to have affairs and everyone goes through difficult times during marriage, but cheating is an option and is the result of poor management of your emotions.
Keep in mind that these are my personal observations of why people have affairs, many marriage counselors or professional psychologists have created their own lists from hundreds or even thousands of counseling sessions. Also, these reasons are for reasonable people, not sociopaths who marry with bad intentions from the start.
5 reasons why people cheat on their spouses
1. “I can’t bear the marriage.”
In essence, what they are saying here is that I want my freedom. I don’t like dealing with their spouse holding me responsible for doing the things they don’t want to do, like cleaning, saving money, paying bills, going to church, etc. The bottom line is that they have a hard time sharing. Some new person comes along and gives you that escape from reality where the focus is on fun and romance that doesn’t survive and coexist.
2. “I’m tired of fighting.”
This one hits me personally. You try to be loyal, but after a while you can’t handle your spouse’s constant disputes and complaints. You start to wonder what it would be like with someone who just accepts you for who you are.
ATTENTION: This is still an excuse for cheating, the complaint occurred for a reason, and the cheating spouse did not develop any coping strategies to deal with the more outspoken spouse.
3. “I haven’t had enough relationships.”
Or, as I like to think about it, “I haven’t gotten it all out of my system.” The “it” is experiencing many different people. Some experts say that the feeling of needing to experience more relationships begins during adolescence. They needed more attention or love, the affirmation that they were attractive and desired. ATTENTION: I think almost all cheaters suffer from this reasoning. Many people, both men and women, crave attention and sex.
Four. “I’m tired of being a victim.”
Perhaps they caught their spouse cheating on them or suspected infidelity, either way they have grown tired of inappropriate behavior. Deep down, they just want to have a normal marriage and be treated fairly, but their inability to stop inappropriate behavior has pushed them to the boiling point of no return and they don’t know what else to do. In their minds, the deception will get their attention. ATTENTION: I have some difficulty believing that everyone who falls victim to this reason does so solely to get revenge or to get the attention of their spouse. They may lack love and attention.
5. “I want to feel like I still have it.”
Most people want to feel sexy, attractive, and expect others to pursue them. Perhaps this is also a sense of security that they will never be alone, as they will always have a potential suitor looking for them. This is due to a personal need that, if not handled and addressed early on, the marriage could spiral out of control later on. ATTENTION: I think someone who craves the attention of the opposite sex so badly probably really cares about their spouse, but is liable to cheat on them on a regular basis. It is exciting and exhilarating to meet someone new over and over again. Marriage is a safe haven for them. They enjoy living two lives.
Again, there are many reasons why people have affairs and I personally believe that most cheaters experience a combination from the list above. Each person who departs from their marriage makes a decision. I did. They decide to have adventures. I never intended to hurt my first wife, I stood my ground for a long time, but I wish I had sought professional advice on how to deal with my open wife and how to better deal with the challenges of marriage. Despite looking back and realizing that I wasn’t ready for such a commitment at that age, I could have done a better job.
It is NOT your fault that your spouse cheated, but once you find out that they have been cheated on, it can be very scary. You don’t know who to talk to or where to start looking for help. You never thought that you would have to learn to deal with infidelity in your marriage. You never thought you would have to read an article about why people have affairs.