If you are an ugly boy, can you get a real baby?

Join the girls in the queue: Flavio Braitore keeps you young

Following the reveal that Jack Osborne (plump, spicy, hamster-faced) managed to pull on Paris Hilton (annoyed, obsessed, and selfish but undeniably sexy), MioBlog decided to look back at the men who have actually beaten above their weight. Instead of making fun of these tough souls, I say we applaud them. Because yes, God loves a trier.

1. Hugh Hefner – Countless sets of consistently gorgeous women. What makes Hefner ‘the daddy’ of all wide boys is the fact that he lives in a dream world where every woman he meets or talks to is incredibly dazzling. Everything so that they have the opportunity to show their qualities in their magazine. Wide Boy Rating 11/10

2. Chris Evans – Billie Piper. One of the original wide boys. He wooed Billie by gifting her a big yellow Lamborghini, even though she couldn’t drive. He was red-haired, wore glasses and had a lot of money and was twice his age. The perfect package for a seventeen-year-old girl? Three of those four and you’ve got Mick Hucknall again … 10/10 wide guy rating

3. Mick Hucknall – Catherine Zeta Jones Of all the broad boys shown here, a lot of grudging congratulations have to go to one of God’s least looking children, Sir Mick de Hucknall. He represents the best friend you have who never seems to have a girlfriend and then one day BAM! Take this one out of the bag. He later went on to shoot what looks like a grandfather (or Michael Douglas, as people like to call him). Wide Boy Rating 9/10

4. Sven Goran Eriksson – Ulrika Johnsson. Ulrika, desperate for some Swedish love, saved on the flight ticket home and went for the first one she could find, even if it looks like Mr. Burns from The Simpsons. Wide Boy Rating 8/10

5. Flavio Briatore – Nicole Kidman, Naomi Campbell, Heidi Klum and is engaged to 26 year old wonderful bra model Elisabetta Gregoraci. Flavio, the Formula 1 guy, still manages to attract an impressive array of gorgeous women despite being older than the Queen (well, we think so anyway). Wide Boy Rating 8/10

6. K-Fed – Britney Spears. Upside down guy K-Fed delighted us all by pursuing a gloriously terrible rap career, placing him right on the level with Vanilla Ice in the crap-rap stakes. Britney lost the plot a little bit recently, but one can only assume it was after K-Fed tried to woo her with one of their songs. Wide Boy Rating 7/10

7. Billy Bob Thornton – Angelina Jolie. They promoted themselves as a couple of weirdos who kept flasks of each other’s blood around their necks. Jolie is now with one of the most handsome men in the world. Billy Bob has fallen parts all over the place. Where is the blood you ask? Wide Boy Rating 6/10

8. Martin Fowler in Eastenders – Kara Tointon (Dawn). Sorry, but on soapland, Martin Fowler was paired with Sonia. Then, in real life, he officially takes on the sexiest girl in Soapland (according to the National Soap Awards). How can this be? Wide Boy Rating 5/10

9. Billy Zane – Kelly Brook. Billy, the wide boy, shaved all his hair because he was afraid of going bald. Because he had no suitable friends to tell him that shaving all your hair leaves you bald anyway, Kelly took pity on him and became his girlfriend. Now I’m thinking of shaving my hair … Wide Boy Rating 3/10

10. Pete Doherty, Kate Moss. Oh darling. Not even a little clap for Pete here as Moss continues to professionally attempt suicide, but he constantly smells like … yeah, you guessed it … roses. Wide Boy Rating 1/10

So come on guys, everyone has a chance, so get some yummy men’s underwear and go out!