Problems teens face and how to help them

After 20 years of concern over the status of girls raised by the women’s movement, some experts say it is boys we must now turn our attention to. This crisis is one in which the traditional patriarchy experienced by boys and men “is being transformed, leading men to generate a second discourse -of impotence and frustration- that differs markedly from the [previous] confident displays of authority.” Disturbing statistics support this concern. Girls now outnumber boys entering college and boys are four times more likely to drop out of high school than girls. Four boys are diagnosed with emotional disturbances for every girl Six boys are diagnosed with attention deficit disorder for every girl Boys commit suicide five times more often than girls

Up to 16% of children are diagnosed with a disruptive behavior disorder. Of those diagnosed with oppositional defiant disorder, 25-40% will develop conduct disorder and almost half of them will have antisocial personality disorder as adults. Behavior disorders are characterized by instability in school, work, relationships, and finances. Behavioral disorders include problems such as bullying, bullying, fighting, cruelty to people and animals, illegal possession of weapons, theft, drug use, truancy, running away, and arson. These children often have low self-esteem and are very unhappy.

Economically, behavioral disorders cost a lot to society as a whole. 30% of consultations with general practitioners are due to behavior problems and they are present in 28% of pediatric outpatient referrals. The education of children with behavioral problems often requires placement in special schools with low teacher-student ratios and constant supervision that increases the costs of their education. Police, probation and social services spend a great deal of energy and money fighting crime and its effects. There are also the costs of property damage, personal injury medical bills, and the subsequent costs of unemployment, welfare, and prison system maintenance.

If left untreated in adolescence, adult manifestations of behavioral disorders may include alcoholism, depression, drug addiction, antisocial personality disorder, theft, illegal possession and use of weapons, violence toward self, others, and to property, drunk driving, vandalism, unemployment, child abuse, divorce, and spousal violence.

But don’t let all these statistics get you down! Let them inspire you to have children who never face these problems because there is much that parents can do to help their children.

don’t embarrass them

One of the most important things is for parents to avoid shaming them. Many parents are very tough on their kids because kids need to be “tough” to survive in our world. This is certainly true; however, when children are made to feel bad about their emotions or need for support, it actually weakens rather than strengthens them. Guys who seem to be able to handle the harsh world they live in with ease are actually more in touch with their emotions than withdrawn, antisocial, nerdy, bullied guys.

Work on yourself first, then on your relationship with your child

Many parents are exasperated with their children, but often their children’s problems come from their parents. No one wants to admit that they have problems, and what is worse, their problems affect their children. When you’re fighting nasty with your spouse, yelling at your kids or (God forbid) abusing them, a workaholic who’s never home, or the silent parent who’s physically home but not emotionally home? Are you surprised that your son is getting in trouble? Which brings us to the next topic.

Recognize the signs of depression in children

There are many reasons for depression in children: divorce, death of a loved one, falling behind in school, chemical imbalances, etc. When people think of depression, they usually think of someone who is sad, listless, who cries a lot. However, in our culture children are not allowed to act like this (they have to be tough), so they express their sadness with anger. They act instead of acting. Signs of male depression are: getting into trouble, getting into fights, breaking things, wearing a lot of black, self-destructive behavior, yelling, etc. A child who acts like this is not a “troublemaker”, “oppositionist”, “defiant” or just bad, but is depressed, sad and lonely and desperately needs someone to help him.

Spend time with your children and let them know that you love them.

Our children are desperate to spend time with us. Yes, even our bratty teenagers who claim we shame them. Young people who are at risk are afraid. They are afraid that if they open up and tell their parents that they need their love and attention, they will be rejected, just like the rest of us are. As parents, we need to realize that our children need our love and attention no matter what they say. And really, the more our children say they don’t need our love, the more they really need it.