Why would a cheating spouse never apologize for cheating?
I often hear from people who are disappointed and confused about why their spouse has not expressed regret, regret, or an apology for cheating or having an affair. Because it’s not that they don’t deserve it. Cheating is one of the worst things you can do to someone you love. And this type of betrayal often requires a great deal of lies and deception, which is also an offense that deserves an elaborate apology. But when this doesn’t happen, it can cause quite a bit of frustration and confusion.
You may hear a comment like: “My husband had an affair with a childhood friend of mine who moved home after she divorced her husband. Strangely, my husband never liked this woman, but apparently, at some point she changed her mind. Our marriage has had a rough patch because I have some medical issues that have prevented me from being intimate with my husband as much as I wanted. Neither of us was happy about this, but I honestly thought I’d find a resolution and that we could pick up where we left off. Imagine my surprise when this other woman invited me to lunch and announced that she had started a serious relationship with my husband. When I confronted my husband, he did not. Do not deny it. He reluctantly agreed to end off to the adventure, but he doesn’t seem very motivated to fix this. He hasn’t apologized for this, not even once. Nor has he offered any kind of explanation. honestly. ar for infidelity and my husband was always very critical of infidels. Obviously, I was very wrong to go behind my back, lie to me, and move on with someone I consider a friend. But he hasn’t uttered a simple “sorry” for this as much. Why not? “
There are many reasons why a husband may not immediately offer an apology for his affair. In the following article, I will offer some possible reasons why you may not receive an apology and how you could successfully handle this.
He feels justified in his actions (or wants you to think he does) Many people will put a defense mechanism in this situation. They don’t want to keep feeling guilty or bad about themselves (although this is often unavoidable). And they think that if they let you see how guilty or bad they already feel, it will only make them feel worse. . So they think that the best thing for them is to try to suppress these negative feelings. They may even try to tell themselves that they were justified in cheating because you weren’t meeting their needs or because the marriage was falling short in some way.
You may not be able to convince him to show his remorse right away (especially at first), but you can often emphasize that you don’t buy this excuse. You can very directly say something like: “I realize that you have not yet expressed remorse, regret, or apology. I have no way of knowing why this is your position. But I know that regardless of what your justification is, we have both agreed on the In the past that there is no valid excuse for cheating. I still believe that and stand my ground. There really is nothing you can say to convince me that this action was in any way justified. I hope you see this and eventually show some remorse or an apology because I’m not going to change my mind on this. “
He may be trying to lower your expectations: I find that many people will take some sort of stance in the days and weeks after they discover the matter. Not sure how you are going to react. You are not sure how long this is going to change your life. Very often, he will go to great lengths to deny the impact of this. One way you could try to do this is to try to make sure you don’t wait too long.
By not apologizing, he may be trying to let you know that you shouldn’t wait for a long, drawn-out healing period where you expect him to fall in love with himself with apologies and with him asking for forgiveness. Sometimes the best way to avoid this is to let him know that you are not trying to punish him and that you are not expecting a lifetime redemption. But you have every right to expect an apology and to expect him to take responsibility for getting this right.
You might consider a response like, “I think you can help us talk about our expectations in the future. You can tell me what you expect and want. I can assure you that I do not intend to punish you for the rest of our lives, but I do deserve an explanation and a sincere apology. We will have a hard time saving our marriage and healing if you don’t understand how bad this really was and if I don’t think you’re really sorry. Trying to pretend you were justified and have no regrets doesn’t really help us. I hope you finally see it. ” .