Chinese Children Respond To Amy Chau’s Tiger Mother Battle Hymn

Amy Chau has gained international attention since an excerpt from her new book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother was published in the January 8, 2011 issue of the Wall Street Journal. It’s already gotten almost 8,000 responses and landed Amy on the cover of Time magazine. Amazon claims her book is a blockbuster.

Amy Chau writes about why Chinese mothers are superior to Western mothers and why they raise such stereotypically bright and gifted children. She claims tough love from her, the kind of tough love that includes insulting her children, calling them names, and banning sleepovers, playdates, computer games, and TV. She means caring about her son’s achievements, not her self-esteem, and demanding nothing more than straight A’s in school.

I teach at an international school in Hong Kong and asked my predominantly Chinese students to read Amy Chau’s Wall Street Journal article and respond. This is what some of them had to say.

Dealing with traditional Chinese parents is difficult and frustrating. The techniques Amy Chau used to discipline her children may horrify many of her readers, but that’s the way it is in Asian culture. Amy called her daughter ‘trash’. Well, I remember the day my dad called my brother ‘trash’. The stark statement broke my brother’s heart. He had never seen him so hurt. Amy Chau simply describes the reality of most children growing up in a Chinese family. Chinese children must obey their parents and never question their authority. I’m not going to judge the morality of the way Chinese parents treat their children, but I think a change certainly needs to be made.

You might think that this writer is exaggerating the way Chinese mothers behave. Well it’s not! Growing up in a Chinese family has been exactly the same for me. I have never had a grade below A and have always been the best student in my grade. I also started studying piano when I was very little and have been practicing a lot every day since then. It means that I have been restricted from participating in many other things, but now that I am studying music in high school, my piano skills are really useful. Chinese mothers believe that if their children work hard, they will have a better life in the future. Chinese mothers can be harsh, but they are only for the benefit of their children.

Chinese mothers are concerned about their children’s academic and musical abilities. Almost all of my Chinese friends play at least one or two instruments, take sports lessons, and have a tutor for school work. But not all Chinese parents go into a frenzy when their kids get a B. Most Hong Kong parents don’t have time to practice piano with their kids or do anything with them, they’re too busy working! Amy Chau may be an extremely ambitious and overprotective mom, but that doesn’t mean all Chinese moms are like this. I know for a fact that my mom is not!

I am a Chinese boy who has experienced exactly the kind of parenting that Amy Chau writes about. I have also experienced the consequences associated with Chinese parenting, including low self-esteem and fear of failure. Despite this, I believe that the way I was raised will ultimately make me a successful person, someone my parents will be proud of and someone their friends will look up to.

My mom and I sat down and read the Amy Chau article together. Amy said that Chinese parents believe that their children owe them everything. My mom told me that I don’t owe her anything. My mother has never hit me or insulted me. I even got a few D’s last year in school, but my parents didn’t bother or force me to go to a tutor. I don’t like the way Amy Chau labels Chinese mothers and makes them look the same.

Sometimes my parents call me a pig for doing something wrong. I know they don’t mean it and that helps me improve.

I think many Chinese parents are becoming more respectful of their children’s individuality and more of them are encouraging their children to pursue their dreams, rather than just pleasing their parents.

I feel sorry for the poor children raised by this dragon lady, Amy Chau. If those tactics were used on me, I would have left my parents.

Amy Chau says that Chinese parents believe they know what is best for their children and therefore ignore all the wishes and preferences of their own children. This is exactly what my parents believe. Chinese mothers can raise successful children, but do they really communicate with them? NO! My biggest passion is theater and acting, but my mom wants me to go to law school and become a lawyer. She doesn’t care what I want to do because she wants her to be ‘successful’. The problem is that we have very different definitions of success. I believe that to be successful is to be happy. She thinks it’s having a high income. I don’t doubt my mother’s good intentions. I wish he listened to what I think sometimes.

When I was young I experienced exactly what Amy’s daughters Sophia and Louisa endured. But when I got to sixth grade, my parents realized that all their threats and restrictions were only making me hate them. Amy says her tactics teach kids to excel, but I know kids whose parents are just like Amy. Her kids study all night and still get a B. Being tough on kids doesn’t ensure an A.

Asia has the highest suicide rate in the world. Looking at all the students who spend all night studying, spend all their free time doing things they don’t love, and all the kids who are told they’re worthless, instead of being beautiful, it’s pretty easy to understand that rate of suicide.

My mom is a Chinese mom but she’s not like Amy. She praises me when I do my best, not when I get an A. I’ve always appreciated that, except now when I apply to college, I have to compete with all those Chinese kids with perfect grades.

I am very glad that my Chinese mother is not a Tiger Mother: cruel, ruthless and unsympathetic. She is almost the complete opposite. She just wants her to do the best she can. In fact, I put more pressure on myself than my mom. I’m lucky my mother isn’t like the Tiger Mother.