Crazy, bad and dangerous to know? You might have borderline personality disorder
Having read George’s autobiography, Lord Byron, I have no doubt that he was, as Lady Caroline Lamb is said to have described him, “mad, wicked, and dangerous to know.” He possibly he was bad; certainly he was remarkably and repeatedly self-centered, and there are reports that he was not so generous to people who deserved better. Surely he was dangerous to know, breaking the hearts of men and women, including, reputedly, his half-sister Augusta. But he definitely wasn’t mad. Closer to Lady Lamb’s description he would be the fictional character so beautifully crafted by Emily Bronte; Heathcliff. His complete inability to empathize with others, his recorded cruelty to animals seemingly spurred by nothing more than morbid curiosity, and of course his lifelong obsession with one person, Cathy. Granted, Heathcliff isn’t a real, flesh-and-blood person with a mind to analyze, but if he were, and based on the trait described in Wuthering Heights, it would suggest that he had borderline personality disorder.
It would be unfair to say that Emily Bronte idealized her hero. In fact, I think her intention, as suggested by those who know much more about the subject than I do, was to portray Catherine and Hinton as the happy couple to be admired and emulated by her readers. As a misguided bunch, most of us prefer the dramatic, headstrong, passionate Cathy and her seemingly devoted Heathcliff to her. However, his story is fictional. In reality, Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition and is made up of an extremely demanding set of symptoms to deal with; if you have BDP yourself or live with someone who does. There are a variety of behaviors listed under the BDP classification, the statement that the symptoms are difficult to accept is a generalization based on the reasoning that whatever symptom is displayed is challenging and constant.
Dark and brooding heroes, continually obsessed with their loved one, it’s a nice fantasy. As long as it remains a state of being that we don’t have to live with, day after day, year after year, it can seem almost flattering to be the object of such attention. It’s not flattering; it’s tiring, exhausting, and generally extremely negative. Not only is the assumed idol put on a pedestal and admired, but he is also blamed for everything. And I mean everything; the news, the rain, people talking on the bus, complete strangers laughing together. Paranoia is one of the most common characteristics of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). As is the case with many mental health classifications, it is not so much that the behaviors themselves are uncommon, but that the extent to which they are evident in certain people is extreme. When behavior affects everyday life, then it becomes classifiable.
People with BPD can be overly demanding, so they tend not to have a wide circle of friends because of it. Unfortunately, this means that the chosen one tends to have a heavier load to carry than otherwise. Living with someone with BPD does not mean that you are adored and adored; rather you are the main scapegoat, the scapegoat. There is nothing fictional about BPD and there is nothing romantic about living with it.
The bottom line is that bad-tempered, evil fictional heroes are fascinating; Living with a volatile and illogical person who continuously demands your full attention is much less. When a family member or a dear friend develops mental health problems, of course we all do what we can for them. But if you meet someone new, someone wild and exciting that your friends and family are warning you about, then it’s not necessarily a romantic case of star-crossed lovers. So before you willingly get involved with someone who seems to need only the love of a good woman or man, someone ‘crazy, bad and dangerous to know’, think about it first. It could spare you the pain of a damaged relationship.