How to overcome a bad first impression
Have any of these situations happened to you? Forgetting your client’s name, inadvertently insulting a coworker, spilling coffee on your boss, not recognizing an old friend, drinking too much at the company party, sending a cheeky email to the wrong person, or asking the date labor of a woman when she is not pregnant – alas! You never get a second chance to make a first impression, so what happens when that first impression is negative?
In a perfect world none of these things would happen, but the truth is that we all make mistakes. Effective communicators are not only aware of how their actions impact others; they also know how to respond in awkward situations. If handled properly, failures can serve to strengthen your image and help you earn respect. If you’ve made a social faux pas, here’s how you can bounce back.
Apologize immediately. Time is of the essence when it comes to controlling image damage. As soon as you realize that you may have offended someone, address the issue. The more time passes, the more the story can be blown out of proportion. While first impressions hold, so do last impressions. Take control of the situation by making your last impression a positive and sincere apology.
Avoid apologizing too much. Saying you’re sorry is important, but overdoing it can create another awkward situation. First, your goal in apologizing is to own up to your mistake and reposition yourself as responsible and sensitive. If you repeatedly bring up the past, dragging yourself down and begging for forgiveness, you are defeating your purpose. Second, it puts the other person in the awkward position of constantly having to reassure you. Eventually, that person may choose to avoid you altogether.
Don’t make assumptions. It’s easy to assume that others think the worst of you, but usually what we imagine is much worse than reality. Approach your apology by owning your feelings instead of telling others how you suppose they feel. This gives you a chance to test your perceptions and gain real control of the situation. So instead of starting with “You must think I’m a complete idiot…” speak for yourself: “I feel uncomfortable with the way I behaved yesterday because I realized that I may have offended you. Did you feel sorry for me?” same?” way?” Starting this way also avoids apologizing too much because the other person may think it wasn’t a big deal.
To be honest. No matter what the circumstances, a sincere apology requires three steps. First, fully acknowledge what happened without blaming other people or circumstances. Second, acknowledge how his actions affected the other person, which means listening without defending yourself. Third, commit to what you will do differently in the future to avoid making the same mistake. Such an apology might sound like, “I want to apologize for what I said yesterday. After talking to you, I can hear how much you were offended and embarrassed by my comments. I want you to know that I will be more sensitive in the future.” .”
Humorous works. Depending on the situation, a little self-deprecating humor can save you. Make sure it’s directed only at you and doesn’t add to anyone else’s level of discomfort. Sometimes calling it what you see in the moment breaks the tension and provides an opportunity for you to recover. However, be careful not to overdo it. Too much self-deprecation can have the same effect as apologizing too much.
Monitor future behavior. Communication has a cumulative effect, so each impression you make builds on the last. Overcoming a bad impression requires that all future behavior be consistent with how you want to be perceived. It will take time and trust to change perceptions, but it can be done!