How to plan a celebration of life
A funeral does not have to be family and friends sitting in front of a corpse praying the rosary. Today, many people turn away from traditional memorial services and choose to create a personalized and memorable celebration of life. You may have some questions like:
Why should you have a service?
Services are really about love. You are taking the time and expressing and sharing the love you felt for that person. It is important to celebrate, but not at the cost of acknowledging that something important has been lost. The best services mix memories, comfort and encouragement. You need to take this time to share your loss, laugh and talk, and share your thoughts and feelings with each other.
Where should I hold the celebration of life?
Some funeral homes and cremation societies have rooms for you to use. If you are a member of a congregation, you may consider the church community room. Many people now choose a private place like a country club, a university, or a family member’s garden. Where did you like to go on a Saturday afternoon: the beach, the tennis club, the golf course, fishing by a stream, soccer games? If they were sailors, maybe the harbor or yacht club would be a good place to meet.
Who can I get to direct the service?
Celebrants are becoming more and more popular. A certified funeral celebrant is someone who seeks to meet the needs of families during their time of loss. A celebrant is trained to help people create and present a personalized funeral, memorial, or life celebration service.
Today, many families do not participate in an organized religion or church. They do not have a family minister and would prefer a celebration of life lived rather than a sermon. A Celebrant will honor the wishes of the family and host a religious or non-religious gathering. The family is free to participate as much or as little as it wishes. The service belongs to the family and is carried out as they wish.
How can I get family and friends to share their memories?
You only get one chance to collect everyone’s memories. Consider lined up 3 “x 5” cards that say, “I will always remember when …” or “I wish I had a chance to tell you …”. These cards and pens are given to friends and family as they enter the service. The celebrant or funeral director may be responsible for delivering and collecting them at the end of the service. These cards can be kept in a bag and taken out and shared at family gatherings for many years. They become a reflection of the life of the ancestors for generations to come.
You can print them yourself on your home computer and copy them onto cardstock. You will also find them on our site listed below.
Guest books are not very practical as they require people to queue for the service. Unless feelings and memories are shared, what is the long-term use of a guest book? If feelings and memories are shared, the wait could be very long and delay the service.
What can I put on a memory table?
Create a table and bring in the things your loved one liked to do. For example, if you like to paint, bring your artwork, your paints, brushes, and a gown. You could even bring your easels and put the artwork on your easels. If they were gardeners, you could bring your gardening tools and flower pots. If they liked soccer, you could bring any souvenirs of the team logo that they supported that you or they may have. If you liked photography, place your favorite cameras on the table with some of your photos. If you wish, you can write on a note card: “Sarah always found time to create the perfect photo and then share it with us. If you liked golf, bring the clubs, tees, score cards and golf balls with a card It might be something like “Look at Jane’s Hole in One in Hole 7.”
Consider putting pocket charms on the table that reflect your loved one. Guests are encouraged to take one, put it in their pocket or purse and when they find it they will remember the deceased.
You may also want to consider personalized seed cards that contain wildflowers. The cards can be placed on the keepsake table and friends and family can take them and keep the card as a keepsake and plant the seeds.
Should I have it taken care of?
It is always good to serve a meal. A dinner reception or sit-down lunch will be more of a production than a punch and tea sandwich reception. Food selection will depend on the time of day, location, and your budget. Did your loved one have a favorite food or type of favorite food? If you loved fried chicken, coleslaw, and apple pie, maybe you should consider that. Don’t forget dessert. I personally want Sees sweets served at my service.
Should I serve drinks?
You may want to be moderate with alcohol, as emotions and alcohol are never a good combination. Death can lead to family problems, and if alcohol is added, things can get out of hand. I recommend punch, soda, coffee, and tea. If you choose a beach setting, would you like to serve smoothies? Does your loved one have a favorite drink? If so, would it be appropriate to serve it?
What else can I do at the celebration?
Consider throwing a balloon. Family and friends can write a note on a tag attached to a string on the balloon. You can find balloons in many grocery stores or in the yellow pages.
Consider plantable seed cards. You can personalize with cards with the name of your loved one and when the forget-me-not cards are planted, flowers grow in their memory.
You could have a procession and put the candles around the casket or urn. Candles can then be gifted to family and friends as a souvenir at the end of the ceremony.
How can I help guests connect?
Consider having people fill in labels with their names. Most likely, many people will attend who will not know everyone. Also, if the person you lost is older, chances are their friends are older as well. The elderly have problems with the site and with memory. You will need to make sure the name is in large print so they can read the name. We also encourage people to write on the name tag how they met their loved one. This makes a great conversation starter.
I hope you have found these helpful suggestions.