So you want to be happy?

Are you tired of hearing negativity around you? I mean, all you have to do is turn on the radio, TV, NPR, read the newspaper, talk to your neighbors. Yes, the world is a real roller coaster right now. Eventually, there are days when we feel like everything is stuck on us. No, it’s not the human condition to be happy 24/7. That would mean we are a robot. We have various emotions that we are capable of, and yes, before your life is over, you will eventually experience all of these. There is no doubt about that, but I affirm that you can choose to be happy. We can get out of our own way and focus on what we have, what we want to achieve, instead of what we don’t have or what we’ve lost. It is a choice, and circumstances play no role in it. What I don’t hear enough of is the word “change.” I’ll tell you how! “Change” is not a passive process.

I know a man who tends to shy away from emotions. By doing this, not only is today’s joy lost, but those who love it pay the price. When he feels restless or anxious, he just has to find something to do to temporarily feel better. It could be that his wife has to plan a weekend getaway, or he feels the need to get away from home although this always includes eating out, which wreaks havoc on his budget, or he’ll find something to buy . A new project that he wants to start, but never seems to continue.

I maintain that one way to be happy is to get out of our own way. Stop focusing on ourselves and instead look for something that brings joy to someone else. In every town in this world, there are people who need you! Take a small part of your week and volunteer to help someone else. It’s like magic, taking your mind off how you’re feeling right now and putting that restless energy to good use. Just a few volunteer opportunities would include working a few hours at a nursing home, a daycare (you have to admit, kids know how to live in the moment and know how to laugh, which is contagious!), a school, a homeless shelter , a battered women’s shelter, the library, grassroots political movements, the VFW, hospitals, cleaning up a park or lake, joining HOAs or condominiums, the Susan G. Coleman Cure Planning Walk, committees always They are looking for volunteers for city festivals and fairs, giving a free class and teaching something you know how to do, teaching reading in a literacy program, teaching English to those whose first language is not English, and many, many more. There is something for you to do. There is something you must do!

Go on a treasure hunt in your own environment! When was the last time you really looked for those stray coins on your couch, under the couch, in your car, in the bottom of your bag, or coins in your purse that tends to make our bags heavier, in drawers, in your children’s rooms, in boxes of “things” that everyone seems to keep. Take those coins and start a savings jar. You’ll be surprised how that adds up when you go to the bank and the teller hands you dollars for those coins. Turn it into a special project or field trip fund. You’ll be glad you did!

Take a few minutes before bed each night and make a gratitude list. You’d be surprised how that alters your perception of what you think “reality” is. For example, were you glad it rained today because you live in an area that needs to replenish its water supply, lakes, crops, etc.? Are you grateful for sunlight because you live in an area that has many gray days and rain, but crops need sunlight to grow? Have birds come to visit your bird feeder? Do you have a dog that greeted you with dog happiness when you came home? Did someone say something nice to you today? Finished a project at work or at home that took a load off your shoulders? Did you clean up the mess in your house to feel better? Were you healthy today? Were you in remission one more day? Did you have a job interview today that means you are one step closer to the job? Did your husband or wife get home safely today? Did you kids play safely today and laugh? Did you laugh today? Did you have a roof over your head today, even if it was in a shelter? Are your eyes still working so you can read? Did you listen to music today? Did you read a book today? Did you go to the library today? Did you chat with friends on your computer today? Did someone think of you and send you an email today? A gratitude list doesn’t have to be about big devastating events in your life. It’s the little things that make up our everyday existence, because life is a gift, and as my father used to say, “it’s better than the alternative!”

Another idea is to become an amateur astronomer and observe the stars. It’s free, and when we look up at the sky, it somehow seems to put things into perspective. It is beautiful, and awakens the mind and imagination. It brings thoughts about our place in the universe and how we are all connected. It’s peaceful, sometimes exciting, like seeing a shooting star, and it’s available many times a year to each of us.

Have you taken a bike ride and enjoyed the wind in your face? It’s free, and there must be something to it, since all the dogs I’ve ever met like nothing better than sticking their heads out of a moving car window. It makes you happy!

Have you gone for a walk or exercised today? There are some parks in this country where you see people doing Tai Chi in the open air. Have you thrown a Frisbee? Or played baseball in the park?

Have you called a friend or relative today? He says I care, and he was thinking of you.

If it’s summer, have you picked blackberries in the field?

Have you ever tried to make jams or jellies? Have you tried baking a loaf of bread yourself? Kneading dough is a great stress reliever! Have you cooked or baked something for a neighbor? For a homeless person? For the poor?

Have you pushed your child on a swing today? Did he slide down a slide? Have you been to the playground in the park? Have you thrown a ball with your son?

Have you played any card or board games with family friends? Have you played online and met new friends in the chat box on many gaming sites?

Have you researched your ancestry? Did you call the family to ask for information or stories about people?

When was the last time you tried a game of charades with friends or with the kids?

Have you put the music on the radio and danced in your living room?

Have you ever chosen someone to smile at and watch to see if they smile back? Have you helped someone reach for something too high for themselves at the grocery store? Have you seen someone in public and just told her that she has a great haircut, or that she’s wearing a nice color, or said good morning with a smile? All those things make us feel better! And you’ve spread your “good vibes” to others, who will pass them on to others too!

Could you rearrange the furniture to make the room look new? Could you put away some of the knick-knacks and clutter and feel the energy shift in the room? Did you know that clutter reflects the state of our minds?

When was the last time you visited someone who might be lonely? Or sick? Or fear?

When was the last time you drank lemonade? Or did she bake a cake, cake or cookies? Last Christmas? That’s too long!

I went to a 12 Step meeting for a number of things including addiction, alcoholism, friends and family of alcoholics and addicts, codependents, overeating, gambling, sexual problems. Support meetings for veterinarians, support for complaints, eating disorders, caregivers of all kinds, religious meetings, Single Parents. You can go to www.meetup.com and find free local meetups in your area on any topic you can think of, and if there aren’t any that interest you, you can start one!

Did you take your dog for a walk instead of just leaving it in the yard? Volunteers are the animal shelter? Did you go to the polo field to watch the practice?

Did you go to a minor league game even though your kids are grown, only to see the joy of the kids in the game?

Take a book or magazine to the park to read outdoors and in the sun? Did you walk on a beach or on the shore of a lake and put your feet in the sand? Did you go to the zoo? Did you go to the museum?

Take a class on something that interests you? Did you teach a class? Did you know that most universities offer free classes for seniors?

How about learning a new skill like creating a web page or how to use Quick Books for your personal bookkeeping?

Rented an old but good movie for $1.00 just for a laugh?

There are so many ways to do something just to get out of our own way and let the joy flow. Animals, in the wild or our domesticated friends, can teach us a lot about living in the moment and not worrying about things we can’t change. Have you ever gone to a pet store or place that offers obedience classes and just watched the people and animals?

My personal mantra is one that I learned in Al-Anon many years ago. It is the Serenity Prayer:
God give me serenity
accept the things that I cannot change;
courage to change the things that I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I hope this article stimulates thinking about how you can help yourself and others. Be happy!