7 secrets chronically ill people want chaplains to know

1. Have a sense of humor about my illness if I have it.

I know you are trained to find out if I am in denial, but sometimes a good laugh about a situation or a health challenge is my way of dealing with it, so feel free to laugh with me.

2. I will probably tell you that I go to church more often than I do.

You are a chaplain, so I have to appear somewhat disciplined if I am a spiritual person, right? (It doesn’t matter that lying to you isn’t exactly “spiritual”). Honestly, as much as I want to go, I get a lot less. If you have any way to get my church to publish the service online or on a free CD, I will listen.

3. Skip the platitudes.

You probably already know this, but it’s easy for anyone to fall into saying things like “God won’t give you more than you can handle.” As you can imagine, I have enough of that from friends and family. Feel free to “get real” with me and I will be much more receptive to what you have to say.

4. Find new material.

I heard all those verses about faith, healing, and endurance. If you want to give me scriptures, look up some that you probably haven’t heard of before. And try a new version of the Bible like The Message to keep my attention.

5. Comfort my family.

For a long time I have been managing my illness quite well, but my parents / children / spouse are not and have no one to talk to. They want to talk to me about my illness and I can’t talk about it over and over again. It is exhausting both physically and emotionally. Can you offer them some comfort or just listen?

6. Don’t just pray for healing.

Everyone prays for my healing, so I’m covered there. Instead, ask me what I would like to pray for and it may surprise you. I need to pray for how I am going to pay for all this treatment, the right doctors, the mental health of my children to deal with my illness, and even my spiritual health to endure.

7. Tell me something about yourself.

I know, I know you have to draw the line between the personal and the professional. But they pushed me, rolled me over, and told me to sit or lie down so many times that I felt like “the patient” twenty-four hours a day. I would love to hear about your day or your family. Where do you like to go on vacation? Treat me like a human being and not one more bed and it will help me more than you think.

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