Action Memorials (a copyrighted term) help you heal from pain and find joy again
I lost four loved ones, my daughter, father-in-law, brother, and ex-son-in-law, in nine months. Like all grieving people, I wanted to honor the lives of my loved ones with memorials. My husband and I hold memorial services in honor of our daughter and former son-in-law. We flew to Long Island and attended a memorial service in honor of my brother. We also donate financial memorials to churches and the local food bank.
You may also have held memorial services or donated money in memory of a loved one. Other monuments are described in the article, “Grief and Grief,” on the Memorial Online website. Keeping a journal, scrapbook, or creating a multimedia presentation are all ways to remember a loved one. “Online memorials are becoming popular,” the article notes, and these monuments include stories and photos.
Memorials help us cope with pain. Judy Tatelbaum, in her book “The Courage to Grieve”, discusses ways to resolve pain. “Learning to finish is an important skill that we must develop,” he writes, “whether we are faced with ending up with dead people or with living people.” I view memorials as part of resolving grief, but I want to continue to remember my loved ones and the joy they brought into my life.
Therese A. Rando, PhD, explores this point in her book, “How to Keep Living When Someone You Love Dies.” She writes, “Perhaps the most effective way to keep your loved one alive is through your own life and actions.” We do this by telling stories about our loved ones, acting on their values, enjoying life more, and, if necessary, changing our behavior.
In his book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People,” Rabbi Harold S. Kushner talks about life’s problems. “None of us can avoid the problem of why bad things happen to good people,” he says. According to Kushner, sooner or later we all play the role of Job, whether as a victim of tragedy, as a member of the family, or as a friend and comforter. “The questions never change; the search for a satisfactory answer continues.”
It took me two years to find an answer. I created Action Memorials (term Copyright 2009 by Harriet W. Hodgson) and they are working. What is an Action Memorial? Find an outstanding trait that your loved one had and make it part of his life. My daughter had a wonderful sense of humor and I promised to laugh more. My father-in-law was one of the most ethical people I have ever met and I swore to stand up for ethics. My brother loved to read, so I promised myself more recreational reading time. My ex-son-in-law loved nature and I try to observe it closely.
Action memorials connect me with my loved ones every day. I feel closer to my loved ones and, thanks to Action Memorials, they will always be part of my life. Weaving action memorials in my life gives me joy. You can create similar action memorials in honor of your loved ones and find comfort in them.
Copyright 2009 by Harriet Hodgson