DE-FUNKING YOUR LIFE – How can I feel happy, energetic and inspired by life again?

Hey, we all wake up some days “dealing with the Funk”…whether it’s self-imposed funk or accidental funk, we get the funk, and that funk feels…feels…a little…funky. ..

So, “what are we going to do about what was said?”

Funk is funk…

Funk means heart attack. Yes, that’s right, heart attack. It is the real heart, the love heart or the spiritual heart.

So when we get the funk, it’s a heart attack and if we ignore it, or try to get out of that funk without taking a break, we’ll escalate that funk into real trouble.

Instead of coming out of the funk, we must surrender.

Funk doesn’t last. Funk maybe lasts a day, sometimes a week. In that week we need to mend the broken heart, and for that we need to change some shit.

Let’s take a look… at what we have to do when we give in to the funk…

1. Check for a physical funk heart attack.

Now, in Chinese medicine, all the organs end up flowing into the heart. So even if your anus hurts, that has something to do with your heart. So when the funk is here, it’s a heart attack. Now that we know we are having a heart attack on the physical side, we need to trace it back to the source.

That’s not ketchup, it’s the root, and it could be kidney, liver, lungs, arteries, prostate, ovaries (only if female) and more. So the heart attack triggers the funk, but the attack is coming from far away places.

I once had a heart attack that bought into the funk for six months. I did more yoga and went to the doctors and they x-rayed my testicles until it glowed in the dark, but they still ran more tests. One time they put electrodes on my fingers and sent shocks through my body and asked, “did it hurt?” They should have worked in Guantanamo Bay.

Despite all those tests and the new Lamborghini that the specialist obtained from all my invoices, the fear did not go away. But one day, I bent down to pick up a coin and shzzaaaam my whole body ached like I was giving birth to the incredible Hulk… and I don’t have a vagina… so I was rushed to the hospital. and there was a kidney stone the size of an engagement ring in the earlobe of a Maasai warrior. I had been fucking up my kidney for six months and now I decided to make my way into the world.

Poking that rock up my urethra was like trying to suck a contestant on The Biggest Loser through a straw into a milkshake…or worse, trying to drink a thick McDonalds milkshake through a straw…

After a week on some pills that made the world look so good, even my ex, then Sonic blasted that meteor-sized rock into little pieces that I was told to scoop up in a strainer every time I peed for the next few two weeks. . Well it wasn’t hard to know when to reach the strainer, in fact my neighbors might have with the whoops and screams I went through as pieces of coral traveled up Freddie and out of my body…

Suffice it to say that, a few months later, there was no funk.

Funk is a heart attack and you already know that more than one funky day a week is a heart attack. You just don’t know the source… If you’re a guy over 50, get your cholesterol checked, send a sub to check your heart isn’t blocked, then have a good doctor send a finger where fingers usually don’t they do. apt to check your prostate…so if they don’t find something, look elsewhere, blood work, etc.

My kidney stone could have been detected, but I receded too fast.

Once you have performed a full-body and full-body MRI, proceed to step 2.

Step 2. Check Love Funk Heart Attack

Funk is also depression. Depression is a dirty word because it’s kind of a “stereotype”… “hey, he’s got depression” is similar to “he’s got the plague: stay away, wear a mask.”

So let’s call depression “Love Funk”

For women this funk is not common. Mainly because most women are emotionally honest (especially those who hate men)… and there are plenty… but that’s another topic.

For guys, “Love Funk” can come months and months after a love funk moment. Like a break up or some bad news like “hey did you know your wife has been fucking your neighbor?”… Many men are out of touch with their feelings so even though they experience the shock of the Love Funk incident , there is a delayed reaction like the aftershock of an earthquake that can take months or years to come to the surface.

I remember breaking up with a couple long before I was enlightened…(just kidding)…it was a while ago anyway. I got hurt, but I didn’t even know it. I carried on like nothing and then got the Funk… Love Funk… about 2 years later.

I went to the doctor and described my symptoms and he suggested that I needed psychological counseling. (which is still true) but other than that he had Love Funk about a past relationship even though he was happy in the new one. It seems he hadn’t been so honest with himself and as my father used to say, “harden up and be strong.” So here I was with Love Funk.

I didn’t take the pills, I took some herbs… St. John’s wart… Which is the worst brand name for an antidepressant I’ve ever heard of. Who is St John and why would his Warts be better than mine… Anyway, I took those things and then went to work on my attachments, hurts, guilt (there were a lot of them) and anger over the whole old relationship. Shit, that’s a waste of time, but I had the Funk and there was no way I was going to live in the world of Love Funk for long.

Step 3. Check for a spiritual funk heart attack

Spiritual Funk has pinned me to the wall more times than I care to admit.

Spiritual funk means lost hope of some dream I had about the future.

When I was 17 I wanted to be an AFL football star, I trained every morning, every night, I slept with a footballer next to me, I had pictures on the walls and I loved playing football. Then in a game I jumped for the stars to make a mark and landed on my sprained ankle. He tore the ligaments of the bone. In those days, they put plaster on everything, even snakebite, so all I ended up with was a ligament in my ankle that couldn’t handle rougher terrain than a bowling alley. I sprained that ankle over 100 times over the next few years, including in Nepal on treks in the Himalayas. It took me five years of yoga to become reliable again. Suffice it to say that my football career was over.

I got the Spiritual Funks and went to the doctor…he said, “You have depression,” but I was a hero, a funny, laughing guy. There is no depression for me. But he was right, when my dreams of being a sports hero collapsed, so did I. I got the Spiritual Funk.

Years later, after my marriage blew up, and my three children sailed around the world to, as my ex-wife said, “get as far away from you as possible.” I got the Spiritual Funks again… This time I was so funky that i went to the top of a cliff to jump…didn’t want any more funk…didn’t jump obviously.

Lots, lots, lots, lots… People I know have spiritual funk… You can tell a person with Spiritual Funk because they feel old, have dull eyes, and are obsessed with what other people think.

Spiritual Funk is bad funk… and to fix it we use four substitutes:

Food, alcohol and drugs… We can escape Funk by throwing food on it, pouring liquor on it or transporting our brains away from it. Thus, obesity, drug addiction, alcohol addiction, diabetes, high blood pressure and colon disorders and more, can be directly related to Spiritual Funk… Lost dreams, lost hopes and attachment to the past

Greed… The poorest man I ever knew was the richest. A billionaire who lived in fear of losing it. Greed is not measured in asset wealth or frugal spending, it is measured in competitiveness, tension, stress and fear.

Sexuality… When all else fails, bonk. That is the mass consciousness that saved the planet from extinction for thousands of years. Much, much, most of the sex on the planet happens because there’s nothing better to do…and lucky for us, because otherwise we’d run out of people to buy iMacs. Clothing, fashion, restaurants, resorts and more run at Spiritual Funk for a major core business. When the lights go out at the end of the tunnel, people light a match, it’s called sexuality. The light of a match in front of your face makes the light at the end of the tunnel invisible anyway… It’s a great metaphor…

Spirituality… My friend is married to a boy. I’m sorry for him. She meditates 4 hours a day and thinks something great happens as a result. But in reality, the spark is gone and hiding from her is only being legitimized, cross-legged on the ground, eyes closed, in no man’s land…

My friend is in Spiritual Funk and has been there for 20 years. In the last five he’s been getting fat too, so now spirituality isn’t blocking out the world enough, he’s eating…OMG he eats enough to feed a third world country…And then he has a colon …as part of his spiritual cleansing… Both of his sons have recently become teenagers, and are under clinical supervision for depression…remember my quote from Jung…”nothing affects the child more than the unlived life of the father?

conclusion

Ok, so there are three sources of FUNK… all of which affect the heart.

There is the Physical Funk that comes from the body but ultimately attacks the heart. This is the first place to look if we have The Funk because your body is Nature’s Bible…it’s telling you things and it’s worth listening to.

There’s Love Funk… Emotional stuff that has gone underground and is draining your energy… like pent up anger turns depressive. Guilt, shame, blame, the victim, anger, jealousy, are the triggers for Love Funk.

There is spiritual funk. Spiritual funk is really ugly. And 90% of the world lives in this Funk. It’s dark, desperate, and causes people to act, breathe, eat, sleep, fuck, and pray in weird, fanatical ways. You can’t fight the Spiritual Funk… if you have it, because some dream was shattered, then it’s time for you to reinvent yourself. Banging your head against a brick wall and feeling sorry for yourself can have an impact, but this is not what nature intended, and certainly not the path to FUNK FREE LIVING.

chris walker