Four easy steps to persuade and influence others

Some things we can easily achieve by ourselves. We don’t need to involve anyone else. Other things we want to achieve, involve others. If we want to sell something, gain buy-in for an idea or project, or motivate others to be positive about something, we must persuade them that it is in their best interest to do what we want them to do.

As a soft skills trainer and coach for over 20 years, I have witnessed numerous attempts at persuasion failing to hit the mark, simply through the strategy the individual has used to try and persuade others to accept their agenda. . If you want to successfully persuade others, try this 4-stage strategy:

Stage 1 – Prepare

Whenever you propose something to someone, their only response is to constantly think “what does that mean to me?” In other words, we all see things according to our own agenda. Therefore, the more you can find out what the other person’s agenda may be regarding your proposal, the more likely you are to anticipate their reaction. What concerns or objections might they have about your proposal? If you can think through these responses beforehand, you’ll be much more likely to be able to deal with them effectively. For example, if price is a potential problem, you can think of your explanations to justify the price you want. Forewarned is worth two!

Stage 2 – Discuss

By preparing effectively, you can anticipate possible responses, but you can’t be sure of them until you actually know the person. Start your discussion by asking them questions to determine their overall view of the area you are trying to persuade them on. Ask open-ended questions (the ones that start with how, where, why, what, who, when) to get an overview and then dig into relevant areas by asking probing questions like “Why do you feel that way?” or “That’s interesting, how important is that to you?” By finding out their agenda and how they feel about it, you now have the information to present your proposal in the way that is most acceptable to the other person.

Stage 3 – Propose

The rule of thumb here is to focus on the benefits the other person will enjoy by accepting your proposal. The information you gained in the discussion stage allows you to rank the benefits in the order that you are most likely to respond positively to them. Resist the urge to talk about the features of your offer. Recently someone who sold to me made a big play on the fact that his company had 50 offices across the country. They were clearly proud of this fact, and although it was important to them, they didn’t bother to tell me why it might be important to me. It was only when I asked them that I learned that their network of offices meant they could offer me local, personal service wherever I was in the country. Keep your proposal short. Don’t go into too much detail. People like to talk but aren’t that interested in listening. Constantly check with them that what you are saying is correct.

Stage 4 – Commitment

Once you have their agreement, or it seems likely that they will, you need to specify what needs to happen next. Be specific. If someone tells you, you must come to dinner sometime; it will most likely never happen. It’s much better to say, “We should meet for dinner, how about next Wednesday night?” So tie them to specific actions and agree on dates and times for things to happen.

By adopting this 4-stage strategy, you should greatly increase your chances of persuading someone to your point of view. You are giving them the impression that their schedule is important to you and you can ‘push the right buttons’ to get them excited about your proposal.