Successful co-parenting in a blended family
You have said goodbye to your ex and have embarked on an exciting life with your new spouse. But – your ex is still in your life. Continue to keep in touch with him or her because it is in the best interest of the children. Successful co-parenting takes extra effort, but it is very important to your children.
Keep it focused on the kids
Communication should be limited to conversations about the children. It is no longer necessary to share the day to day with your ex, vent about your day or talk about anything that is not related to your children. Your relationship with your ex is now based solely on children.
keep him sane
Don’t take your ex-spouse’s emotions personally. Sometimes your ex will express inappropriate or exaggerated feelings. An example might be that you can’t show up to your child’s softball game, and this results in a 10-minute yelling, yelling message being left on your answering machine. Just step away from her emotions and realize that she is expressing her feelings that you won’t be coming to the event and she thinks your child will be disappointed. These feelings are okay, but not the screaming and yelling. Don’t respond to these exaggerated emotions, just let it go.
keep it organized
Prepare a schedule of visits in advance. Follow the guidelines set forth by your separation agreement and schedule special events as far in advance as possible. Children like to know where they are going to be. It helps to give each child a pocket calendar so they can keep up with visits to mom and dad.
keep it fair
Remember that you are doing what is best for the children by arranging for them to spend time with mom and dad. Don’t cheat on your ex with visiting time, nor should you opt out of your allotted time.
Remember to alternate vacations each year. Assure your children that Christmas on the 26th or their birthday the following Saturday is still a special event. Make it fun to switch days and still enjoy the holidays together.
keep it flexible
Things happen, special events happen at the last minute. Be flexible if your ex wants to change visiting hours. If you notice this happening frequently, remind her that she needs at least a month’s notice to properly rearrange her schedule. With a month’s notice, they will be happy to make the changes. When emergencies or special events arise, both mom and dad will need to “flex” their schedules to accommodate.
Conclusion: Keep it focused on the kids
Do the best for your children. Talk to them, ask about their upcoming events, and encourage them to keep you informed so you can continue to be an active part of their lives.