The 6 Best Ways to Make an Angry Customer Back Off

1. Apologize. An apology makes an angry customer feel heard and understood. It spreads and angers and lets you start to rebuild trust. Not only that, but pilot studies have found that the mere act of apologizing has reduced the costs of lawsuits, settlements, and defense. You must apologize to customers regardless of fault. Certainly the apology needs to be carefully worded. Here is an example of a sincere but careful apology:

“Please accept my sincere and unreserved apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you.”

2. Kill them gently with diplomacy. This simple phrase has never failed me: “Clearly, we’ve upset you, and I want you to know that getting to the bottom of this is just as important to me as it is to you.” When you say this, the anger begins to dissipate. He has approached anger directly and not defensively and has not been drawn into the drama of attack.

3. Go to computer mode. To use computer mode, assume the formalities of a computer. You talk generally, without emotion, and you don’t take the bait your angry or difficult customer throws at you. His words, tone, and attitude are completely impersonal and neutral (think of the autoresponder system you talk to when you call your wireless phone company or bank).

This “computer mode” response deflects, diffuses, and disarms angry customers because you don’t add fuel to the fire by giving your difficult customer what he wants: an emotional reaction. When you don’t take the bait, the difficult customer is forced to stop dead in his tracks. And that means you regain control (and confidence).

The computer mode approach in action

Let’s say your client says:

“You don’t advertise about clients. Once you get a contract with a client, the service aspect is over.”
While it can be tempting to fuel the fire with an equally hostile response like “What’s your problem, creep?”

Don’t take the bait. If you take the bait, the situation will only get worse and nothing productive or positive will result. A response in computer mode might look like this:

“I’m sure there are some people who think we don’t care about serving customers.”

“People get irritated when they don’t get the help they need right away.”

“It is very annoying to experience a delay in the response of the service.”

“Nothing is more distressing than feeling overlooked when all you want is help.”

And then you stop, like a locked computer.

No matter how uncomfortable the verbal abuse is or how ridiculous it becomes, continue to respond without emotion. This tactic works because it is neutral, does not take the bait, and because it is unexpected. The difficult client wants to throw you off, make you lose control, and get you to respond emotionally. When you fail to do each of these things, you actually regain control.

Go into “computer mode” the next time you’re faced with verbal abuse from an irate or irrational customer, and I promise you’ll quickly regain control and have fun with the process.

4. Give this question a try: “Have I personally done something that upset you?…I’d like to be part of the solution.” Of course, you know that you have not done anything to upset the customer. You ask this question to force the angry customer to think about his behavior. Often the mother asking this question is enough for the ballistic client to begin to shift from right brain to left brain where she can begin to listen and rationalize.

5. Show empathy – Empathy can be a powerful tool used to disarm an angry customer and show that you genuinely care about the upset the customer has experienced. Expressing empathy is also good for YOU, as it helps you begin to see the problem from the customer’s perspective, and this perspective will help you stay calm when your customer gets upset. By letting customers know that you understand why they are upset, you build a relationship bridge between you and them.

Here are some phrases that express empathy:

or “That must have been very frustrating for you.”

or “I realize that the wait you encountered was inconvenient.”

or “If I were in your place, surely I would feel the same as you”.

or “It must have been very frustrating because you’ve waited five days for your order and I’m sorry.”

6. And finally, here’s a tip that works like magic. …. show appreciation by feedback from the difficult person. After your difficult client has ranted and raved, he can regain control of the conversation by intervening, not interrupting, but intervening to thank you for taking the time to give him feedback. You can say something like:

Thanks for being so honest.

Thank you for taking the time to let us know how you feel.

We appreciate customers letting us know when things aren’t right.

Thanks for caring so much.

The reason this tip works so effectively is because the last thing your angry or irrational customer expects is for you to respond with kindness and gratitude. It is a wow factor and many times you will find that your client is stunned and silent and this is exactly what you want. When the customer is stunned into silence, you take the driver’s seat and steer the conversation in the direction you want it to go.

When you do these things, you’ll discover that being on the receiving end of verbal abuse doesn’t have to be threatening or intimidating. You may appear confident, collected and strong… and most importantly, you will regain control of the conversation.