You can brush your teeth with smoothies
I have to get this off my chest before it explodes!
Just a few hours ago, a kid posted a simple question about gaining weight on a bodybuilding forum and received some typically bad advice on the subject commonly known as bulking.
This is what one person said, “It’s been a long time since I’ve eaten junk. If you’re willing to spend hours in the gym, then you should start stuffing yourself with KFC and McDonalds, it’s much quicker.”
There’s no question about it…if you choose to exercise and be healthy, you’ll want to make the quickest decisions you can, even if it puts your health at risk. Who wants to put in the time? (note the sarcasm in my voice).
As if that advice wasn’t bad enough, you’d think I’d put the past in the past, but when I saw someone else go on with this gem, I broke down…
“If a person is ‘underweight,’ they should deny ANYTHING and eat EVERYTHING – McDonalds and KFC included.”
I was reminded of the Simpsons episode where Homer is trying to gain weight to get to 300 pounds to qualify for disability so he can work at home.
Advice from “Dr. Nick”:
“Instead of using bread, use Poptarts! Instead of gum, chew bacon!”
Then Bart says: “You can brush your teeth with smoothies!”
To which Dr. Nick replies, “Hey! Did you graduate from med school upstairs too?”
Your final thought is, “Remember, if you’re unsure about a food, rub it on a piece of paper. If the paper turns clear, it’s your ‘window’ to gain weight!”
But read on because it gets better. I watched in horror as bad advice was given out like giant chocolate bars on Halloween in a wealthy neighborhood. But better yet…
These people tried to justify why a dirty lump was the best option to gain weight.
“Dirty Bulk is okay for a while. It’s a quick and reasonable way to gain weight. Most people don’t have time to plan their lives solely around bodybuilding. What’s the point of clean bulking when dirty can do?” work in an easy way? Much easier? Unhealthy? Who cares? This person will STOP eating junk when they get serious about the sport. That’s where the clean volume/cut game comes in.”
And that’s when I realized there are a lot of lazy bodybuilders out there.
Dirty volume boost is a “cop out”! Stuffing your face with anything and everything is for people who don’t know how to gain weight healthily and are too lazy to figure out how to gain weight.
Characteristics of a lazy bodybuilder:
a) I can’t wait for slow gains, I’ll do anything to reach some imaginary end point.
b) Does not plan meals. It will eat whatever is in sight to get calories. 5-6 meals a day? No time for that. I eat when I eat.
c) Believe that a calorie is a calorie. It doesn’t matter if it’s organic chicken breast or Chicken McNuggets.
d) The cupboards are empty, but your gym bag is fully stocked with the latest and greatest supplements and weight gainers.
e) There is no time to learn the fine details of nutrition, just stop eating until things happen and then do other things when you think you are fat.
f) You will do everything possible to make this bodybuilding experience ‘easier’.
For all these reasons, if you’ve been given this advice before, you want to gain weight but are confused about how to go about it, or will sheepishly admit that you fall into one of the AF descriptions above…